the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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