Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
