I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sarcasm needs its own font
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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