Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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