any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
