i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love having hate sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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