If that was your dad, he is hot
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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