can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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