I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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