You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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