She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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