Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
