This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
