I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
should my penis look like a turkey
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
