my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
