Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize