shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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