GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
