Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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