I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have post one night stand depression
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
