my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
