Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
