Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
