I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
