I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
