Say something about gay babies.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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