I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
