from now on my penis is your penis
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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