ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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