i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so let's talk penis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize