are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
