Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize