well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
please don't ironically join a cult
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