bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
