I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
