i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
