if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize