sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
