I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
