I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
