you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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