he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
