I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize