i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
