I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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