you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
