Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
