Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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