I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
