Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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