You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
