We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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