You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
