You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
