Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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