im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
