ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
