She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
