Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there's paper in my vomit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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