As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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