Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
