btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
