piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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