I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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