she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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