Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
