Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
