my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
from now on my penis is your penis
You can't special order awesome
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
