I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
