like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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