census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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