Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
