I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
