please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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