can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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