When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
