I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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