I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
