I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
