You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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