'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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