Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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