i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
