I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
