i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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