it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
