one might say we're banned from that church
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
