Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
