You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
