I bet he comes in French.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
