This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
