id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
