high people should be assigned attendants
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But break dance skills will only take you so far
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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