I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
