Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
