Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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