Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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