Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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