Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
